So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
