They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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