Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
