Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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