she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
