I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
