I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
