I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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