My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
