Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
