i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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