dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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