I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
