I cannot find my penis.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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