i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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