I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
