New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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