My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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