"it" just moved
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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