Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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