girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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