I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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