I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
