Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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