My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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