My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
