I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
