I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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