woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
