i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
