No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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