These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
