he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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