I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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