My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
