a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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