so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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