and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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