My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize