Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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