I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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