I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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