Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
