i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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