Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The best revenge is premature balding
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
