no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
