Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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