wat bout pragnant strippers??
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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