My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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