I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
