You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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