I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
