bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
