The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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