Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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