i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize