I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
