What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
