I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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