So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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