Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am naked and annoyed.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
