Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
