fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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