U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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